As we go through life we experience many losses.  While deaths are usually the deepest loss, divorce, unemployment, and the empty nest are all significant.  As we grow older, health problems can include the loss of vitality.  Even happy events can bring a sense of loss.  Moving to a new community leaves old friends behind.  Some view retirement as loss of vocation.

“Good Grief!” the Peanuts® characters often exclaimed.  What’s good about grief?  Grief is the healing process that helps us resolve a loss and reorder our life. 

Although each grief is unique, there are common stages.  First, we’re in shock and disbelief.  Soon we may feel anger.  A grieving spirit can result in problems with appetite, sleep, mental concentration, and sexuality.  When we realize we cannot bargain, with God or with fate, to change what cannot be undone, we feel depressed.  This is the deepest and longest stage of grief.  Many powerful feelings well up inside, some of which we don’t normally feel together, such as relief and anxiety, love and anger, sadness and peace. Eventually, we accept that while life will never be the same again, it can still be rewarding and fulfilling. 

We need not fear grief or try to avoid it through isolation, medication, or alcohol.  It’s better to share our pain with compassionate friends who will listen patiently to the story we need to tell and retell.  Tears are OK, too: we don’t dissolve in salty water. 

While actively grieving, we should avoid major decisions such as selling property, relocating, or retiring.  But we can make gradual changes in our life; it helps to have written goals with due dates. The journey through grief is longer than we expect it to be, but with patience, hope, and trust, “good grief” can bring healing.

To learn more about Good Grief, including green flag and red flag signs of successful and unsuccessful grieving, all community members are invited to attend a workshop sponsored by Office for Aging, at the Broome West Senior Center, Wednesday, May 13, from 10 to 11:30 am.  Call Caregiver Services at 778-2411 for reservations.  Our presenter will be David L. Schriber, a retired pastor, former hospice chaplain, and member of the Southern Tier End-of-Life Coalition.